City Chooses Eminent Domain to Create Park

In a surprise announcement, the SeaTac City Council had voted Tuesday to use the controversial “eminent domain” procedure to take over the section of Angle Lake shoreline between the existing public park on the North and the vacant Hughes property to the South. The intent is to create an admission-based Nude Beach with a eco-friendly promenade made of recycled materials.

“The council chose to leverage eminent domain due to fear in delays from having to deal with any clothed NIMBYs in that area,” said new Planning Commissioner Emma Riel, herself a self proclaimed nudist and a recent transplant from Slooflir, PA. “As we continue to recover from the recent extended economic downturn, we still need to locate a strong source for additional tax revenue streams to offset the city’s increasing operational expenses. That’s why we’re turning this beautiful strip of waterfront into the northwest’s first admission-based Nude Beach. Plus, it’s going to be eco-friendly and very green, what’s not to like?”

Plans were presented in a spontaneous, private city council “special session” that took place in an unmarked room upstairs in city hall late last night. A large satellite photo of the area in question was hung on the wall and marked “Area XXX,” and included censored photos of naked, middle-aged men.

“There’s nothing wrong with a Nude Beach, people just need to adjust their attitudes about the human body” said Consultant Lucy Gucci, a noted local nudist who’s often seen cavorting at Lake Burien with her German cousins. “I’ve been fighting for this for years, and can say without a shadow of a doubt that if God didn’t want us to be naked, we’d all have been born already fully clothed wearing black turtlenecks. Plus, the proposed promenade will be eco-friendly, and a $10 cover charge will help fill the city’s coffers. Why would anyone be opposing this?”

Reports are that a general contractor has already been hired. Bulldozers and other heavy equipment will start clearing the shoreline of all vegetation as early as this weekend. The expected park opening is yet to be revealed but estimates are that it will happen on Memorial Day Weekend 2015.

Planning Commissioner Riel compared this new, eco-friendly nude beach concept to a successful one she helped developed in the mid-1990s at Lake Dangle in Slooflir, PA, which now generates well over $2.5 million dollars in annual revenues through admission fees and pay-per-view volleyball matches.

Below is the map illustrating the new Nude Beach, currently called “Area XXX”. One suggested name for this annexed area was ‘Another Angle Park’.
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(Postscript:  This is an April Fools Joke)

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Plus it will be a bonus for planes flying out of the airport!